Quotes on Narcissism & The Narcissistic
"Narcissists enjoy your pain. The more
you show the narcissist your tears the more grandiose they will feel. If
you really want to make the narcissist feel all powerful, simply let him
break you." ~Tigress Luv
"Whether with a narcissist a week, a
month, a year, a decade, or a half of a century, one thing is for sure...one
day you will wake up to the revelation that it was all just a figment of
your imagination." ~Tigress Luv
"The narcissist lives in his own,
self-created parallel universe. In this world he is the Almighty Gatekeeper.
To the unsuspecting and trusting, the narcissist can expertly charm them
into this kingdom only to dethrone them in the blink of an eye, stripping
them of their souls and casting their left-over, bleached bones to the
demons of his hell. Tread lightly in his world as this feeding fuels his
power and satisfies his ego-hungry cravings; the narcissist's ego is never
satiated." ~Tigress Luv
"Ironically, if the narcissist sees that
you don't love him anymore he will then be intent on making you hate him.
Either way, he will feel powerful in his complete control over you. The one
thing that narcissists can't stand is apathy - towards him." ~Tigress
"Forget the food, the way to a narcissist's
heart is with your tears; narcissist feed on your pain." ~Tigress
READ MORE QUOTES, QUOTATIONS AND SAYINGS ON THE NARCISSIST AND THE NARCISSISTIC
The Admiration Junkie: A Description
of Pathological Narcissistic Disorder
The Breakup Guru and brought
to you by
Counterfeit Heart: Living With, Loving and Leaving the Narcissistic
Everyone knows someone they believe to be
narcissistic. That person is probably boastful, arrogant, and full of himself
to the point that he's difficult to be around. It's too bad he's so kind
and generous, because that makes it impossible to hate him. And let's remember,
everyone has quirks - that's hardly a reason to deprive yourself of their
Not everyone, however, knows someone with
Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a pathological condition included in the
American Psychiatric Association's fourth edition of the Diagnostic and
Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM IV (or realizes that someone
he or she knows has it). The DSM IV, considered the bible of psychiatry,
lists all recognized mental disorders and the criteria used in their diagnoses,
along with recommendations for treatment. Included are mental illnesses of
adults and children, including autism, schizophrenia, paranoia, eating disorders,
and bipolar and obsessive-compulsive personality disorders.
The DSM IV defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder
as "an all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need
for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy
" (Code 301.81). The
DSM IV does not concern itself with obnoxious personalities and annoying
people. It deals only with pathology, or disease. According to the DSM IV,
these are the characteristics of pathological narcissists: a grandiose notion
of self-importance, of being special; abnormal need for admiration; emotional
coldness toward others, including those very close to him; unreasonable sense
of entitlement; arrogance; envy; willingness to exploit others to meet his
own needs; and fantasies of greatness.
Pathological narcissists are predominantly male.
There is no cure, no way to treat its symptoms. One expert claims the only
sure cure is suicide, which is the recourse frequently chosen by its sufferers.
The irony is that narcissists don't really love themselves. According to
one version of the tale, the mythological and handsome Narcissus was doomed
to stare at his own reflection because he spurned the love of the beautiful
nymph, Echo. He did not realize he was looking at his own image; rather,
he thought it belonged to another beautiful creature looking up at him from
the water. He desired to have the lovely being in the pond as a lover, but
every time he reached for her, she disappeared. This was his torment, that
having once shunned love, he would die never having found it.
A narcissist doesn't love himself, because there
is no "self" to love. Since he was a child he has known his "self" had no
value (his parents made sure of that). To survive, he needs to abandon that
worthless self and construct a new identity that is more socially acceptable
- someone who obviously has value to society, someone who is successful,
intelligent, respected, and admired. Not all narcissists are loud and
overbearing; there are more reticent types who exhibit their narcissistic
behaviors only around people whom they trust. Perhaps they know on some level
that their pretend selves are too fragile to withstand a challenge by an
The fake personality the pathological narcissist
began creating when he was young is based solely on others' perceptions.
His self-image and self-esteem derive from others' feedback: their words,
actions, decisions, even facial expressions. He is an admiration junkie,
and, like a drug addict, he knows exactly how to get it - a steady supply
of it - no matter what it takes.
And what better supplier than the new woman in
his life. She is a kind, fun, "normal" woman who admires him and finds him
exciting, a little bit "dangerous." He's handsome and sexy and sensual and
has been waiting all his life for someone like her. He is deeply in love
with her, he says every chance he gets, and when they're apart he counts
the minutes until they are together again. He's been married twice before
- but, as it turns out, those women were nuts. Real head cases.
This gorgeous woman with the delicate features
and perfect skin is different. He knew it the minute he laid eyes on her.
She is perfect for him. Not only is she pretty, but she needs him,
he can tell. She asks him for advice and follows it. She thinks he smells
good. She loves making love to him - the way it makes her feel is completely
out of this world. She laughs at his jokes, and he loves having her "on his
arm." She is turned on by his unpredictability; he might come home with tickets
to Florida or a new luxury coupe, or maybe he wants her to go look at a beautiful
home that just came on the market.
Once again the unsuspecting woman takes the bait,
just as he predicted. He reels in a fresh supply of his drug.
The honeymoon is short, though. She disagrees
with him occasionally, offers suggestions, even becomes irritated with him.
She obviously doesn't understand how it should work. Someone who criticizes,
challenges or even mildly disagrees with him, regardless of whether he is
right or wrong, is a serious threat to the narcissist's identity. An innocent
comment or a tease becomes a judgment, even a condemnation. He cannot risk
losing control. His entire existence depends on maintaining it. She must
be punished so she won't soon do this again.
How he punishes depends on his state of mind,
his stress level, how often she's committed similar transgressions over the
last few weeks, how much he had had to drink, and if anyone else is around.
He may be sarcastic; he may insult or humiliate; he may raise his voice,
and may even threaten to leave ("I just can't take this anymore."); he may
embarrass her, claim to understand why no one likes her, and count the ways
that she is dysfunctional. He may blame her for "all their problems," even
though she was hardly aware there were any. He may yell and even make her
feel certain he will hurt her. He may put his fist through a wall, slam doors
and literally kick the dog.
He almost gets high watching her anguished reaction.
He knows he has once again nipped a potential rebellion in the bud. He feels
so good about his victory that the next day he is remorseful and ashamed.
What is there to lose? She is a softie - she will show him that all is forgiven.
After all, he smells so good and his deep kisses are very hard to
She is a quick study. She has no choice, because
she doesn't want to rock the boat. She learns to deny her own opinions and
beliefs, her psychological needs, desires and pleasures. She has no idea
that she is not in love with a real, authentic person, but with an image,
someone in a disguise. And his professed love isn't a genuine emotion but
a mix of need and fear.
Their interaction is classic pathological narcissism
in action. The narcissist first idealizes his prey as the perfect source
of his admiration fix. He must then devalue her to keep her in line. He lies
to her, exploits her and manipulates her as though she were Gumby. The more
she resists, the harsher he must become. He ignores her and flirts with other
women in front of her. He maintains control by keeping her off balance all
the time, so she never knows what to expect. He is capricious, irrational
and impatient with her. She begins to believe that she is, indeed, the unstable
one. She begins to give up the independence she had prized in her previous
life. Life with the narcissist becomes a continual exercise in walking on
Little does she know that he has squeezed out
of her all he can and is desperately seeking a new supplier. He is already
building a relationship with another - someone who needs his counsel and
who admires him for his superior intellect, financial success and sexual
prowess. Because in addition to a continual supply of admiration, even
hero-worship, the pathological narcissist needs drama, upheaval and chaos.
He is willing to self-destruct if that's what it takes to feed his habit.
He risks being fired from his job, doing further damage to his children,
and walking out on another marriage. He is incapable of feeling any guilt
over his actions. He is not bound by agreements or promises, least of all
vows. He needs what he needs, and can tolerate no obstacles in his path.
He cannot be concerned about leaving a trail of broken lives or broken hearts
any more than a junkie cares about leaving a trail of broken windows or broken
bodies. He'll do whatever it takes to get his fix. He is a hopeless and incurable
By Tigress Luv, The Breakup
Guru ( and the ex of a narcissist! :) )
HAS A NARCISSIST
COMPLETELY DESTROYED YOU AND ARE YOU NOW STRUGGLING TO UNDERSTAND AND RECOVER?
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