Narcissistic Co

Hello world!

by Tigress Luv on Sep.09, 2010, under Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Welcome to Narcissistic Co. Yes, please make a note of that – it’s NOT dot ‘com’, but rather dot ‘co’.!  I welcome you to leave your comments on the narcissistic personality disorder or share your personal experience (with the narcissist) stories below :)

16 Comments for this entry

  • okapi

    I feel for all of you that have suffered for years with such pain. Mine is a short 6 months online affair, that left me feeling confused and very much unbalanced. Oh, but it feels good to recenter…rebalance…laugh. This man was using all the techniques described here. Gaslighting. NPL. Ha!
    Well, it all went sour when I couldn´t orgasm anymore with him! The cyber predator turned vicious. Ignored me for a month. Of course I believed there was something seriously wrong with me. Now I like to believe that my energetic field rejected him..
    He has since found another …supply. It happens to be a good friend of mine, and I feel for her… I could tell her to run, but of course she wouldn´t/couldn´t understand…

  • spoon

    Hello, I have just finished up a gut wrenching relationship with a man who so awful my friend said he had red flags flying out of his ass.

    Prior to this person, I had no knowledge or experience with personality disorders. If someone was rude, I just summed them up as an ass and that was it. Now, I know there is scary part of the population that are so damaged and broken that they are downright evil empty shells with virtually no hope of ever changing!

    The creep that I had dated had passive aggressive disorder- (main traits- silent treatment- something i did or said upset him so instead of telling me he would stop calling, refuse my calls, texts…Until, the “got over” whatever it was then would send me an email with a joke or something in it- to open the communication lines. When he first did the silent treatment, I was so devasted and told him how much pain he caused me, and told him he could never do it again. He did it over and over after that.

    and the he would never tell me why he was upset.
    usually it is over somthing created in his head

    anyway- he had would never get mad outwardly, but would cut me off, he would withhold intimacy- a form of control to show me how he doesn’t need it and deprive me at the same time-

    It is all about control

    also he had no empathy, and an incredibly negative attitude toward almost everything.

    that mentioned above is the passive aggressive disorder
    which i feel some of you have also experienced.

    In combination, with that he had social anxiety disorder and could not handle going to any social event
    that involved hanging out with my friends or even his own family events- if there were people there that he did not know. He skipped his dad’s funeral and both of his neices weddings to avoid dealing with people.

    and now i see he also had narcissistic traits too. All that mattered was if he was having a good time, what he wanted to do..

    This have been such a painful experience, to have someone lure you in, think that you might have found a great guy only to have the turn on you- for no reason and continually punish you.

    Run from anyone like this. I read a lot about these disorders- and now think if one is a narcissist he is probably also a PA- passive aggressive- treatment is almost impossible because most often they dont think anything is wrong with them and if they somehow make it do counseling- they will most likely drop out.

  • mrsjohntelford

    Greetings to you all. This is my first time here, but I’ve been educating myself, now that I’m getting divorced from Ingorance, & my husband. I was going to change my name, but my inner voice said ” why run? face it, I’ll be Mrs. John Telford, just as he wanted me to be. Hence my email address.
    I will admit, this almost killed me. Only 7 years of marriage, & I felt like death was better than the emotional & mental rape I had endured. Not since my mother, had I experienced such vile incompentence. Total abandondment, as if I never lived.
    Please, If I can give advice, RUN! Do not stay, unless you want punishment in the most intimate, severe ruthless ways. It may be hard, but have a funeral & leave the relationship alone. Should he/she make contact with you, just know, getting on with YOUR life, is best, be safe. Namaste!

  • kim

    My boyfriend changed as soon as we started living together as a couple. I became the enemy and he hated me as much as everyone else. I had been free of his wrath the first 14 years I knew him. He is a text-book case. Fortunately, he was in a rage and told me to move out. He helped me do it. Then, he was angry that I was so stupid as to listen to what he said in a moment of anger and do such a thing. How insensitive of me!

    Okay, here’s my question….
    He often reinvents reality. He’ll claim that he was open minded and receptive and that I was the one who said no to whatever positive thing I suggested that he shot down so vehemently….screaming and yelling and insulting me at the time. I have left him. But I really want to know if this is a normal part of narcissism. It came up all the time. He always accused me of what he was doing. At first, I wanted affection and time with him….and he screamed and yelled and called me names for it. He stayed up all night, reading in the living room and came to bed when I got up. Then, he accused me of rejecting him every night when he came to bed…..but he didn’t come to bed. Is this something other than narcissism?

    Thank You!

  • Cheryl

    I love your website on narcissasm. It has helped me to understand this type of man. He has come back into my life after ten months of silence and a divorce. I realize its a game. Its still all about him. I should have never talked to him. I have your ebook I need to go back and read it again and again to stay focus. I know nothing he is staying is true. Thats his fake charm and ego booster he needs.

  • BAD

    after 36years of this relationship never again

  • BAD


    • mrsjohntelford

      Bad, congratulations! You are Beautiful for Loving you! Never forget: they are everywhere!
      My best test to expose a narcisstic person, give them a compliment, & see how long they express “themself”.

  • elaine

    I am in the process of breaking up a 6 year relationship with a narcissist. I saw all the red flags but somehow ignored them. I am an intelligent, caring person (nurse) but I cannot understand why I cannot let go of someone who is so toxic. I have been on your site forever. Now it’s time to get your book. Tiggy, thanks so much for the service you offer the broken-hearted. I feel like you are a caring friend eventhough we have never met. Elaine

  • Butrfly420

    I have been with a narcissistic man for over 6 years. We have gone through just about everything. Cheating, lying, a 5 year prison sentence, which he still managed to cheat on me, emotional abuse…etc. It has been a nightmare for me. I have lost all sense of self worth and have been blamed for my “crazy” actions. I am struggling to leave this relationship and get myself back together. I have seen a light at the end of the tunnel with what you have written and am praying each day I find the strength to know that it wasn’t and hasn’t been me, but it was him.
    Thank you

  • Bluegirl

    P.P.S. Also forgot to mention that he kept telling me how lucky I was to be with him. Over and over. How grateful I should be and how lucky I was that everything like him,the trips etc etc just fell into my lap. He continually wanted praise. He said I done absolutely nothing for him and wanted me to name things I had done for him. I was in shock and he said see you can’t name anything can you?
    He told me everyone would be jealous of me and I would never get any sympathy from anyone including his mother or sister because they and everyone else knew what a great life I had. He has absolutely no insight into his own narcissism which I think is the norm for this personality trait. I do believe he is a sad person but I can and must not feel sorry for him. There is absolutely no point trying to help them with insight as it never works.

  • Bluegirl

    P.S. When I first met him he said that I had to put him first. He said he would be the one that would hug me and comfort me when things went wrong. He said my friends wouldn’t do that for me. I thought wow this guy is so caring and he will look after me( in a god way I thought). I ignored all the warning signs. He came on so strong. But in return he didn’t put me first I wasn’t allowed to say anything about his friends at all. Not that I would have anyway. I didn’t mind him not liking my friends. It was the put downs, name calling , insults and lack of respect that I couldn’t handle. Also he completly hated my best girlfriend for no obvious reason. Once when he broke up I bumped into him a couple of days later with another women. He cancelled one of our holidays once, or twice or thrice actually and took another women. Not sure if it was the same one or not. Hetold me I was never allowed to talk about it and I never did. As he said I was just so argumentative, and it was all my fault and I just had to let things ‘wash over.’
    If I done anything wrong he would continually bring it up months and months later during our discussions or arguments.
    Also forgot to mention that he once told me that ‘I had to be subservient’. I am in the nursing profession so am used to taking care of people. Again, I can’t believe that I actually put up with that. I still miss him and I still love him. It is hard but I know for my own mental health I can’t be with this man. I also have finally accepted that I need at cut all contact with him which has been hard, long and painful and still is.
    Just wondering if there are any suggestions about getting back in contact with friends and out there again without showing my complete disclosure of lack of self esteem. Like I said I feel foolish because this happened with the last guy. I have just repeated a pattern. My best girlfriend and I are not close like we used to be. I sometimes feels like she competes with me. I feel like sometimes it makes her feel better about herself to see other people going through anguish. I think my best girlfriend also has slightly narcissistic tendencies herself. My best girlfriend is the anchor who keeps the group together. I often feel she is jealous of my successses and thinks I am this selfish single person who has no worries or responsibilitis. I have a responsible job. She is a single Mum and has her own issues with that. Also her ex-husband was a sociopath – most definetly. Great to express myself.Thanks. Feeling so onely at present.

  • Bluegirl

    Dear Tigress, This blogging is a new thing for me. Your article on DPD and narcissism fits my relationship exacly. I love the way that you say that sometimes just the diagnosis is enough. That is enough to get me started to help myself. Quite frankly I didn’t know what was wrong with me and why I can’t let go of this narcissistic abusive relationship. It has been on/off again for 3 years with me more often than not initiating the reconciliation. I feel emotionally destroyed because my confidence is gone and I have lost contact with many of me friends. Of course he didn’t like any, not one of my friends and refused to spend any time at all with them. That happened with each and every one of my friends after he met them once. He of course felt superior to all of them and kept telling me basically I could be one of them or join his special crowd. Of course all his friends are narcissistic as well. That is no exaggeration. He was super rich. I met him in a personal column and never actively seeked out money ever. I have a good job and can support myself. My self esteem is shattered. I feel so alone, isolated and foolish. I feel foolish to tell my friends we broke up 4 weeks ago because I feel they could all see it or the couple he impressed thought he was just a fantastically generous guy. I went on quite a lot of trips with him. I paid about 25% of the cost and he paid about 75%. However I spent more money in other ways to impress him than I could afford. There are so many stories but one that springs to mind is he gave me a pair of earrings on my birthday. Within a few minutes of saying that he said there would be more where that came from if I done the right thing by him. He said our relationship had to be 90/10. Can you believe that. Who in their right mind would agree to that. I didn’t say anything at the time because I didn’t want to argue with him on my birthday. Of course it stuck in my mind and I brought it up a couple of days later which of course ended in another argument and breakup.Any time I tried to challenge him on anything I was being stubborn, argumentative, ‘didn’t understand him and usually resulted in a breakup. I would become hysterical ringing him incessantly and pleading, begging, crying and asking to take me back. Always saying it was my fault. He would never take any responsibility for and of his actions and the arguments and eventual demise of our relationship breakup 4 weeks ago. The breakup came about because I challenged him saying some day I would like to participate in some decision making of some of our future holidays. He said if I pay for it and I said well of course. Anyway I begged him to come back. This time he would not. He said so many hurtful things to me. Really hateful things like people despise me and don’t want to have anything to do with me. He told me I will be left in a corner. He said he will go on to have a great life and great trips because all he has to do is get his wallet out and that talks. He said he is looking for a relationship but if he can’t find that there are plenty of women out there who will just go along for the trip. I amm 44 and he is 54. Neither of us have ever been married or had kids.We were together for 3 years and we even talked about IVF in the beginning. The first few months were some of the happiest months of my life I can remember for years. I took a couple of weeks holiday leave from work and pretty much just stayed in bed for 2 weeks and cried. Could barely, eat or do anything. A complete and total mess. Didn’t see or tell anyone except my Mum and a male friend. I have been back at work now for 3 days. I feel like a zombie but haven’t told anyone about the breakup because I feel like such a failure. I had such high hopes and expectations for this romance and now I feel like my dreams are shattered. I feel I will never have children and this is a mourning in itself. He had threatened to take out a restraining order on me for calling him umptenth times (you know the psycho bitch) who doesn’t want to break up. I haven’t done anything else but he says he has recorded and documented everything and has enough evidence of phone calls to sink a ship. He also said if I talk to to anyone about him he will have me up for slandereing his character.
    I do feel very ashamed of the harassing phone calls when I was anxious beyond beleief and like a needy, desperate child and felt like I was losing my ‘saviour.’ I can just completly relate to that article. It makes so much sense to me. I guess I have always been a bit needy although my friends would say I am too independant and that is the reason I am not in a realtionship. I am fussy and choosy but boy I just can not let go when I love someone. I know have only in the last few days realised I don’t want to be with this man because he is abusive. I certainly know what I don’y want and have to be careful about never getting into this sort of situation again. By the way my last boyfriend was the same. He was abusive, narcissistic, non-committal but at least he let me seemy friends. He was not quite as bad but I struggled big time to get him out of my life. He didn’t want me and didn’t want anyone else to have me either. A totally selfish jerk. Actually it really took till I found the last one that I could get him out of my life by actually showing him a photo that I was with someone else. He is out of my life now thank god.
    Anyway, I think I am DPD . My parents seperated when I was 9 and I thik I have abandonment issues.
    My current partner is the only son of two siblings and completly idolized beyond belief by his mother. His mother just ignores me of course and he would always, always put his mother before me. He even cancelled a concert with me and his mother. He took his siter instead because he said his mother wanted his sister to go instead of me. Oh the stories could go on and on. Anyway, in concluding I loved that article because it was a light bulb moment for me. I now know what is wrong with me, and I knew there was something wrong with me. Now I can realise it and start to do some work on myself. What I find oh so interesting is why he picked me. I mean this wealthy, wealthy man who is the epitome of narcissism. Certainly not because of his wealth. I mean well done on his success. However he uses his money as scorn and contempt on others. It is interesting narcissistics are attracted to DPD’s. I will have to be forever careful of it in the future like an alcoholic taking a drink. I haven’t reconnected to my friends yet because I feel ashamed and I didn’t want them to see me as this weak pathetic person again. It’s embarassing when everyone else can see it and you can’t see it. It is a weakness to feel so needy and desperate. I haven’t always been this way but I think the older I get and having another failed romance just makes it harder. Like you said Tigress it is the challenge of a lifetime for a DPD to get over a narcissist. I know this has been a bit long-winded but that article was like magic to me. Like you said the diagnosis means I can now work on myself. Would love to hear what others have to say, Thanks again Tigress. Keep up the great work!

  • Bluegirl

    Dear Tigress, I love this new blog

  • karencook

    Thank tou so much for your wisdom.I have been living in Egypt for over 1 year with a young egyptian who is a narcissist and boy has it hurt.Thankfully I saw the signs,the financial traits and then the drug use but boy does it still hurt.I asked him to leave and will now get my own life but I still find it hard to understand the chaos he leaves whereever he goes.
    With love and light.

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